Seconds
by Ultrawoman
Summary: [One-Shot] AU. Twenty years post-Chosen., Spike remembers and explains a few things. Not my usual kind of thing so all reviews gratefully received (unless they're really mean!)


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A/N : Something a little different for me to write, but when inspiration hits, you just gotta go with it...oh, and to all those reading 'Life's Full Of Surprises', I'm gonna try to get chapter 4 posted by tomorrow night!

Rating : PG

Disclaimer : All recognisable characters belong to Joss and Mutant Enemy.

Summary : AU. Twenty years post-Chosen, Spike remembers and explains a few things.

Seconds

It was not quite three months since the town of Sunny-hell took a tumble down the mouth to hell. I worked out I'd been non-existent for about a week before the Powers That Bleedin Hate Me put me back here as a human. I know I should be grateful, and look at is as some great gift, and there are things I have now that would be impossible without the gift of humanity, but back then it was all a bloody nuisance.

I was gone, finished, forgotten, died saving the world for the girl I loved most, but my big gesture got all snatched back and here I was walking the Earth again, the sun on my back in a nice non-fatal way and no interesting bumps and pointy teeth when I got severely pissed off.

I made some calls, got some info. I knew by now a certain Slayer would have given up on the normal life thing. We'd talked about it, what it'd be like to be normal. I was now, at least seemed to be Joe Regular to the average passer-by, the several million people who didn't know of the sacrifice I'd made so they could still get up in the morning to their cornflakes, and go to bed at night with their cocoa, without worrying that the whole world might be sucked to hell or turned into a replica of it.

Point is I realised the Slayer was going to be my only shot. She'd started over, so the info I'd gathered said, got herself a pretty little place up the coast, over-looking the beach. Made me glad I'd got over the sun-allergy thats for sure.

Look on her face was a picture when she saw me, but I think mine must have been similar. The bump was only slight but she'd only been a skinny thing so you could still see it. That and the fact she threw up on me within the first ten minutes of me being there and admitted she'd been feeling bad every morning for the past two or three weeks, the reason was pretty obvious even to me.

Took a while to explain to her what had happened to me, since I didn't rightly know myself. Then came her own tale, which she told in fairly short and simple terms as was her way. Got in deep with the bloke, got knocked up, got bored of the normal life before she realised she was carrying his kid. Threatened to leave, they had a row, he stormed out and never came back, vamp attack took him out. She couldn't stand to be amongst all the sorry faces, not again. She'd cut lose, changed her name and made a run for it. Not dissimilar to my situation, sitting here with a name as fake as the blond colour of my hair. Difference was, she had one thing in her favour. Just weeks before, now fully understanding the world he was living in, he made a will, leaving everything to her. Seems teaching staff made a pretty penny and it'd keep the Slayer going for a good while.

Don't rightly know how it really went after that. All passed in sort of a blur, me sleeping in one of the two spare rooms, the one next to hers. Held her hair back for her when she threw up, fetched the weird food in the middle of the night when she had cravings, helped her shop for the supplies she'd need, did all I could to help. She didn't ask for rent, though I offered more than once, especially after I got the job, wasn't much, bottom of the employee food-chain but we've all gotta start somewhere.

Six months passed in a flash and suddenly there was screaming and yelling and then three people in our little home. The second I laid eyes on him I was amazed. She named him Nicholas, to be called Nicky which I understood entirely. I offered to move out but she wouldn't hear of it, said she was gonna need all the help she could get and besides, she'd got used to having me around. Gotta admit I was used to being there and the kid started to grow on me as much as his mother did.

There was this one night, I won't ever forget, Nicky was doing his famous 'scream all night' trick, driving his mother to the point of tears. I managed to calm the kid down than went to sit with the Slayer, put an arm around her, let her cry on my shoulder. She said she hated looking weak in front of anyone, but it was becoming too much to cope with alone. She'd always thought she could do anything alone, but bringing up a kid like this was killing her. I told her it'd be okay, promised I'd never leave her. She looked up at me all tear-stained cheeks and dishevelled hair and I'm not sure who moved first but we were suddenly kissing and one thing led to another as they tend to do. It was an experience I won't ever forget. The first time I'd been with woman when I wasn't a vampire. It was incredible and not just because it was some sort of first, it was incredible because it was her.

In the morning she was off with me at first, but I expected that. I gave her as much space as I could, shared house permitting, and soon we were getting along just as we had, but with this new closeness that I've never felt with anybody else, well, maybe once.

We started a sort of relationship, it would have been dating 'cept we didn't really go out and we knew all we needed to know about each other anyway. I treated Nicky like my own and never thought anything of it when he started talking and called me Dada. 

It was just after his second birthday when we found out he was to have a little brother or sister, and later that year I had an actual child of my own. My very own little bit, Anne.

Not long after little Beth was born, and finally we decided the love that had grown between us should be made official. We tied the knot at the nearest hall, the kids as the two cutest bridesmaids and the littlest best man you've ever seen.

When I look at those photos on the dresser, I sigh. It doesn't seem five minutes since that day and yet the kids are all grown and left now and it's just me and my Slayer again. 

I wouldn't change our lives, not for the world, but when I saw you the other day it was the strangest feeling. You don't look much different, twenty years on and you're still as beautiful as the last time I saw you. I realise your husband can't have been far behind me in the Shanshu sense of things, given the way he has aged. Makes a change to know I came first in something. I'm glad you're as happy as we are. I'm glad you got the kids and the sun and the semi-normal life you deserved.

And yes, I noticed the look in my wife's eyes as she looked at your husband, the longing that was stronger than any other emotion I'd ever seen in her, I know it because I looked at you the same way. I'm not sure if you noticed, or even if you'd have cared if you had, but I wanted you to understand.

I never came first with you Buffy, as Faith never could with Angel. You loved each other more strongly than you could ever love us, and I'm not angry about that. Maybe I was once, but now I have someone who loves me the most and who I care for more than I ever thought I could. We all deserve a little hapiness, luv, I'm glad you found yours, as we have found ours.

Take care, pet.

Love Spike.

~The End~

** A/N2 : To all my fellow Spike/Buffy fans - don't panic, I have not jumped off the good ship Spuffy! I just had the idea and felt like going with it...it was weird, kinda like exploring another world! lol. But my heart belongs to the Spuffyness, so please don't hate me, and try to leave nice reviews, please!**


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